As a parent, you know that parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. No parent comes into the world with an instruction manual for how to best raise their children. There is no perfect parent and we all make mistakes. No matter how long you have been a parent, there is always room to improve your parenting skills.
In this guide, we will provide you with ten skills that you can use as a parent to connect with your child, get them to listen, and create structure in your family life. Please note that there is no magic formula to parenting and that some of these skills may be better suited to you and your child than others. The key is consistency. If you can consistently use these skills, then you will find parenting to be a much easier and enjoyable task.
Improvement mindset – Having an improvement mindset is the first step that is necessary to improve any skill in life, and parenting is no different. If we don’t first acknowledge that we can improve as parents, then it will be impossible to make any progress with our children.
Set a positive example – “Do as I say, not as I do” has no place in positive parenting. If a child is told one thing and their parent does the opposite, the child is receiving mixed messages. Parents are the most influential and positive role models in a child’s life, so make sure you are setting a good example.
Keep calm – As parents, we need to remain calm when engaging with our children. This can be really difficult, especially when our kids aren’t behaving as we would like. If we act out in rage by yelling or hitting our children, they won’t learn anything. Furthermore, they may learn from you that acting out in rage is the appropriate way to cope with challenges. If we don’t stay calm, then we won’t be able to think clearly when teaching our children. So take a step back, breathe, and remain calm before interacting with your children.
Listen to your children – Every person wants to be heard and children are no different. Listening to our children will demonstrate to them that they are important and their opinions matter. Even when our children are telling us a ridiculous story or asking silly questions, it’s important to show them respect by listening.
Make sure your child understands – Children process information differently than adults because the part of their brain associated with reasoning and decision-making isn’t fully developed yet. Ask your child if they understand what you are asking of them. If they don’t, then provide them with a simple explanation.
Expressing empathy – Children feel strong emotions that they don’t fully understand and can’t put into words. When we see that our child is angry or upset, we can engage with them by acknowledging their feelings. For instance, you can say something like, “I can see you are upset right now; I am here if you want to talk about it.” This will communicate to your child that you understand them and that you are there to offer support.
Give your child options – This is also known as a double-bind. Offering your child a choice can give them a sense of empowerment while also getting them to do what you are asking. For instance, you can ask if they would like to put their favorite pajamas on before or after they brush their teeth. By asking a question rather than giving a demand, your child will be more receptive to your requests.
Self-care – Taking care of yourself as a parent is just as important for you as it is for your child. If you don’t look after yourself, you can’t give your child 100 percent. Self-care looks different for everyone, so find what relaxes and refreshes you and make time for it every day.
Focus on positive behavior – We all crave attention from others and children desire the attention of their parents above all else. If we want our children to display positive behaviors, then we need to give them positive attention in response. If you only give your children attention when they act out, then they will continue to act out because that is the only way they are getting your attention, albeit negative attention.
Set clear rules and boundaries – This is also known as a family contract. This can be done by setting up a formal family intervention. You will lie out in writing the rules and boundaries of the family. When the rules aren’t followed, a privilege gets taken away. It’s important for everyone, including the parents, to follow the family rules. Once the rules and boundaries are agreed upon, it’s important to have each family member sign the contract. This works better for older children and adolescents.