Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a style of therapy that mental health professionals can use to help clients make better decisions in life and achieve a peaceful state of mind. One understanding of the word “dialectical” can mean taking the middle path, which is the meaning that we will use in this article. The literature on DBT makes use of three contrasting but interrelated ideas: rational mind, emotional mind, and wise mind. Rational mind is our use of logic, reasoning, and computation to come to conclusions and make decisions. Emotional mind is the exact opposite; it doesn’t care about logic, but instead makes decisions based on emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt. Wise mind is the middle path. It is the synthesis between rational mind and emotional mind.

DBT teaches that rational mind and emotional mind are essential aspects of who we are as humans, but they are opposites that lie on two extreme ends of the spectrum. A person who is only using rational mind can become too rigid and inflexible in their thinking. They may not consider others’ feelings or points of view. Overly rational people can become cold and distant in relationships, not allowing themselves to have emotions or get too close. People who are only using rational mind may be high achievers in the business world, but they often fail to form deep and meaningful connections with others.

People who only use emotional mind are victims of their emotions. They may get so heated in an argument with a spouse that they say some really nasty things and end the relationship out of anger. Emotional mind can become selfish, only thinking about its own needs and disregarding the needs of others. Likewise, emotional mind can care too much about others’ needs that it neglects its own. A person who only uses emotional mind is at high risk for depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems.

The idea in DBT is that rational mind and emotional mind both cause a lot of problems for us because they hinder decision-making and can lead to a number of mental health problems. The goal is to achieve wise mind. Wise mind is the middle path that integrates both the rational and emotional aspects of the mind. We have to recognize that as human-beings, we have the capacity to use logic and feel intense emotions. But instead of being swayed to one end of the mind or the other, we can integrate the mind to work as a whole. The wise mind takes a step back before making a decision or responding to a situation. It considers feelings while also putting some thought into how to best act in any given moment.

Let’s look at some examples:   

A man is sitting alone in his room feeling lonely and depressed because he has nothing to do on a Saturday night. Instead of spiraling deeper and deeper into depression, the man takes a step back to recognize that he is feeling lonely and depressed in this moment but that these feelings are only temporary. The man knows that he has felt this way before and that these feelings have always passed. In this case, the man is using wise mind because he accepts his emotions while also using reason to conclude that they will eventually go away.

A college-aged woman comes from a high-achieving family that values education and career-success above all else. The woman majors in medicine to become a doctor because that is what her family expects of her and she will make good money one day. The woman develops anxiety because she doesn’t feel like this is the right career path for her even though it is a lucrative and respectable one. The woman in this example is using rational mind because her decision is based on what her family expects and what will make her the most amount of money. However, she gets anxious because she is neglecting her own emotions.  

A husband and wife get into an argument about whose turn it is to take out the trash. After much screaming and yelling, the husband kicks over the trash can and storms out of the house. He doesn’t return for two days. In this example, both the husband and wife are using emotional mind. The husband’s reaction of kicking over the trash can and leaving the house is one of anger, a powerful emotion that can influence us to make poor decisions.

We can see from these examples that rational mind and emotional mind can each lead to undesirable outcomes. In all situations, we should strive to think and act using wise mind. This can take some time because we are all operating on patterns of thinking and behaving that have guided us since childhood. However, if we make a conscious effort to avoid using too much logic or emotions, and instead combine logic and emotions, we will make much better decisions and achiever greater peace of mind.